While playing bucket with the family, Dad is the only one who got hammered.

[Playing a 5 of spades] I need this trick! -- Larry

[After getting Dad drunk and playing cards] We need to get Dad drunk everytime we play cards! -- Chris

You wouldn't remember, you're drunk! --Patrick
No, it's all an act--have you ever seen sister act? -- Larry [drunk]

I have the power! -- Larry

Which one of these bags is blue and which one is green? -- Larry

Laura gets her own room -- Patrick
That's crap--that's discrimination -- Larry